he has utterly and totally shattered me,
in a text (how nice) i was told how it was wrong and he couldnt see me anymore. god how i hate him. why couldnt he have carried on ignoring me, instead of this week, a pointless week thats caused me the most pain i've felt this year, if i didnt know better i would have thought my heart had been ripped out and laid bare through the pain.
he's ripped out my insides and strewn them across an open space, laid them bare for anyone to see and if thats not bad enough it feels as through he's trampled all over them.
he's picked me up and dropped me now his conscience has kicked in. his poor girlfriend in the dark, i am selfish enough to feel that i am worse off. unkwon to her is what he's really like, falling for another girl so easily when he was trying to work through it with her. if only he hadnt tripped me too.
i darent spend a minute with my own thoughts! analysing everything.
i am so mixed up. all these feelings going through my head.
1. i crave so much for a hug off him to see him and to forget it.
2. i never want to see him again and i want to forget everything about him.
3. i want to see him and i want to kick and scream and cry at how unfair this is, to show him what he's done.
i doubt any of these will happen. he's made his choice not to have me in his life, although he says its not what he wants, he has to do it. he doesnt want to hurt me anymore. i couldnt hurt anymore if he tried.
i'll never be able to forgive and forget. not this time around. its made it raw. its opened up how i felt last week all over again.
to forget you have to forgive, forgive and you'll forget.
i cant.